We Europeans all hear that everything in the US is ginormous. As testified by the first photo here, it’s pretty clear that in the states, the question isn’t, “Small, medium or large?”, but rather, “What kind of large do you take?”. When it comes to portions though, I suppose I’ll let them away with it, only, and only just because they have doggy bags.
It’s five past eleven at night here at Boston and I’m just back from a hike, so I thought, on a totally unrelated note, that I’d give ye a flavour of my favourite US “larges”.
Large Uimhir a hAon (Number One): Shopping receipts.
For anyone in Ireland coming to Ireland, the first thing to note is that shopping in Boston is anti-cheap. More specifically, shopping for one person only is extremely anti-cheap. As it stands, groceries aren’t cheap, but when you are forced into a “Buy one get one free” cucumber or a two litre carton of juice transaction, you’re left after a week with empty pockets, a mouldy cucumber salad and twenty times the recommended allowance of vitamin C. Ok, so, to get to my point; Shopping receipts in the states are MASSIVE (and in fact should be called “Shopping Schnakes”). To the left, have a look at my 34 inch hurley. Beside that, have a look at my shopping receipt for, yes, a total of 20 items. They could just have done out a receipt with 20 lines of writing, maybe with a extra few here or there for totals and the date etc. But no, they have to tell you all the obvious about how much it would cost you to buy petrol if you bought $20, $30, £40, $50 or $60 worth of petrol! I’m surprised they also didn’t write down the life story of Pablo, who grew the six bananas I bought.
Large Uimhir a Dó (Number Two): Elephant Garlic
Ok, so I know what you’re thinking; elephant, right, I can’t complain. Sure if you got elephant garlic in Ireland it would probably be that big. Fair enough, point taken, you probably could get elephant garlic somewhere like Brian Lenihan’s house*. In any case, I really thought that when a clove, and let me repeat that, a clove, not a head of garlic, is half the size of an average spud, questions should be asked. Normally I might throw a clove or two of garlic in the curry, but with even half of an elephant clove… I tell ya, that’d be curry to chase vampires from the states like St. Patrick drove snakes from Ireland.
Finally, on a recessionary note, with the upcoming pun intended, I reckon we should bring in Euro notes to Ireland, just like the USers have their dollar notes. In fact, we should bring in 1 cent notes. Strolling into Arnott’s* with your wallet packed full of notes for the first time since 2005, t’would be the job… t’would be the job…
*Irish political references which would make no sense whatsoever to those of you causing non-Irish flags to appear at the bottom of this blog.